October, 1979

Ouch!

by Judy Williams

As women, the absolute necessity of defining and maintaining our individuality apart from traditional expectations clashes head on with collective action which is necessary to change those traditional expec.tations.

Collective action is the traditional response to the need for change. Collective action, regardless of its liberal politics, necessitates that there be leaders and therefore followers. Collective action requires shared decision making which demands a certain amount of conformity. Collective action requires, obviously, that we act -and in such a way that Taking reflects group decisions.

part in the activities often necessitates altering our personal schedules or refraining from taking part in other activities that conflict with the dates chosen by our group.

Collective action requires that we be fair to the individual needs of each group member but that we do not lose sight of the organization's goals. The latter helps us to accept the need for conformity. We are careful not to raise so many personal concerns that we impede group progress.

Changing tradition requires above all else -education -and education is the most important activity of any group that wants to promote change. The individual can provide education but not nearly as effectively as a group. Because of this, I recognize and accept the importance of collective action to promote those changes that make it easier for women to be individuals, but I can't help but say "ouch" when I know that I am conforming to fight conformity.

My

As women we are socialized to refrain from pursuing our "trivial" likes and dislikes when they interfere with the comfort of others. father does not like chicken so my mother never cooks it for dinner, although she loves it. She could cook two separate entrees but that requires conformity and extra work. Consequently, when I refrain from smoking at a group meeting because some people don't like it, I say "ouch".

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As women we are socialized to alter our personal time schedules to fit those of important others. My grandmother was truly a nocturnal person but she always went to bed at 10:00 when everyone else did so as not to disrupt our schedules. Consequently, when I have to cut short a long distance call or another personal interest in order to be on time for a meeting, I say "ouch".

As women we are socialized to believe that being popular is extremely important. The homecoming queen was one of the most popular girls in school as were the newspaper editor and the head cheerleader. Consequently, when I feel the need to express a view to the group that I know is going to make me temporarily unpopular, I say "ouch" in spite of myself.

As women we are socialized to believe that we are moody and emotional. It was always alright at school and at home to get out of activities because of menstrual cramps or corresponding depressions. Once used, these kinds of excuses led to thinly veiled sympathy, or was it disdain, on the part of those with the power to excuse? Consequently, when I don't feel up to a group activity because I really don't feel well or really am depressed, I force myself to go anyway and then I say "ouch".

As feminists we are socialized to be accepting and understanding of women who have chosen domesticity as their main pursuit. Consequently, when a group member cannot perform a certain activity because it conflicts with her husband's work schedule, I tell her and myself that it's alright, but I know somewhere deep down inside I'm saying "ouch".

As feminists we are socialized to understand manipulative personalities as the direct result of male oppression. We feel the challenge and the sisterly loyalty to encourage the efforts and contributions of all Sometimes I sit in a meeting and listen to the voice of a martyr or overhear a petulant comment. This happens rarely but when it does, I know that it's alright -I know

women.

it doesn't matter -I know that the speaker belongs here and she is important, but deep down way deep

down inside of me there is a shuddering "ouch".

As a person who understands the necessity of collective action to promote social change and as a person who does not want to benefit only from the labor of others, I feel compelled from time to time to get involved in group activites. When I do, I am very sensitive to the feelings of each other group member. I am also very aware of my own feelings. I guess that's why when the meeting notice arrives in the mail, I say "ouch".

CLASSIFIED INFORMATION

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Rates

Sylvan Terrace Professional person(s) wanted for nice renovated home near downtown in a neighborhood concerned with improvements. References required. $200+ utilities. Call 232-1428 or. 238-6841.

Roommate wanted to share nice twobedroom furnished apt. in Harrisburg. Rent $140 + 1⁄2 utilities. For information, call 545-9923.

Parents of Gays. Meets monthly; no fee. Members of this group are also available to talk to you by phone, upon request.

For information on any of these groups, contact William Sowers, 7616920.

The following fall support groups will be offered by Tressler Lutheran Service Associates, Inc.

-

7:30-9:30 p.m. or Wednesday 7:30 p.m.-

Separation & Divorce.

9:30 p.m.

Monday

Attend

Mon-

Fee $4.00/session.

as long as you want.

Children of Parted Parents.

Fee

day 7:30 9:00 p.m. Guided by a trained support group leader. based on ability to pay and family size.